No More Mr Nice Guy: Relationship Advice for Men
Ditch the “Nice Guy” Mentality and Embrace a More Authentic Approach
The reason I'm writing this post is that there are a ton of videos and articles on the subject of attracting women.
However, there isn't enough content about long-term relationships, especially from a male perspective.
What you need to know is that the skill set required for short-term mating—whether it's one-night stands, quick flings, or whatever you want to call them—is different from that needed for maintaining a long-term relationship, though there is some overlap.
For example, if a guy regularly goes to the gym, dresses well, takes care of his grooming, and has strong social skills, there's a high probability he'll do well with short-term mating.
For long-term relationships, though, you need a bit more substance.
So, if you get a lot of your dating advice from the internet, one thing you'll notice is that every man and his dog talks about looks, money, and status. They'll have you believing that these are the be-all and end-all.
Well, here's the thing: looks, money, and status certainly help when it comes to attracting women. Let me repeat that—attracting women.
But in the long run, those three things do not keep women around.
In a long-term relationship, you're going to have to be able to resolve conflict, because it’s going to happen.
You're going to have to be able to make compromises, i.e., respect each other's needs and meet in the middle.
You're going to have to be able to just plain get along with each other, and some people might call this emotional intelligence and maturity.
A big part of emotional intelligence is self-awareness, and here's what you need to be aware of:
"The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself.
This is because your relationship with yourself influences all other relationships.
Consider it this way:
If you treat yourself with love, kindness, and respect, you are likely to treat others the same way and expect the same in return.
Now that you understand the importance of a positive relationship with yourself, let's move on to the first piece of advice."
#1 Pick the Right Person Right From the Very Get Go
When it comes to choosing the right person, it's vital to possess self-awareness. However, the problem is that not many people have it, and there are several reasons why.
From the moment we leave the womb, we are being molded. Parents urge their children to work hard and find a good job. Teachers emphasize working hard, studying diligently, and earning good grades.
As we grow older, bosses direct our careers, while social pressures from friends and colleagues push us to fit in and conform.
Social media, advertising, television, and billboards constantly dictate what's acceptable and fashionable.
The point I'm making is that we are continually molded and shaped by these “external voices” telling us what's right and wrong.
Is it any wonder, then, why the average person struggles to understand who they truly are?
When it comes to self-improvement, one of the best things I’ve ever done was go backpacking. In 2015, I traveled around Australia and New Zealand, and the experience profoundly shaped me.
It helped me better understand who I am because I was free from distractions like television and social media—no external voices influencing me.
Just me, alone with my thoughts (when I wasn’t around other people).
And by the way, I’m not suggesting for a moment that you need to travel to the other side of the world to discover who you are. You can do this in your home country.
For example, something as simple as renting a cabin for a couple of days and spending time there can be just as effective.
No phones, no social media, no television, no books, no people—just you, alone with your thoughts.
Some might read this and think, “That’s a bit extreme. I can’t do that.” But you can substitute it with another activity.
For example, you could go fishing for the day or take a solo hike. The point is to occasionally disconnect from external influences.
This actually very good for your sanity.
So the bottom line is this:
When it comes to choosing a partner, it first comes down to having a healthy relationship with yourself FIRST.
#2 Keep Experimenting in the Bedroom
I'm going to be raw, honest, and blunt with you!
A lot of guys lose women in the bedroom.
A massive part of self-improvement is learning how to pull women—it’s a skill.
When I was in my early 20s, I always found I did better with older women. I preferred their conversation, found them much easier to talk to, and, not to mention, they tended to be better in bed!
Why? Because, on average, they’re more experienced.
If you’re a young guy reading this and you lack sexual experience, forget long-term relationships for now. Go out, play the field, and find yourself an older woman—she might just teach you a thing or two.
Now, let’s get back to long-term relationships. When it comes to sex, it’s easy to get stuck in a rut. The reason? Once you’ve been intimate with the same woman many times, you can fall into a routine—and, to be fair, this can happen easily!
There's a reason I've titled this section "Keep Experimenting in the Bedroom"
Because you've got to keep switching things up to keep it fresh and exciting.
The brain is wired for novelty, and if you do the same thing over and over, it’s going to get really boring—fast!
So the bottom line is this:
What happens—and what doesn’t happen—in the bedroom can make or break a relationship.
Many guys would be surprised to learn how many married women cheat on their husbands, often because they’re not sexually satisfied at home.
So, what do some women do? They look elsewhere and stray.
#3 Keep Sharpening Your Communication Skills
Once you move past the initial stages of a relationship, i.e., the honeymoon phase, you must make a conscious effort to understand your partner's perspective.
For example:
We are all shaped by the environments we grow up in, so even if you share similarities with someone, it doesn't mean they will see things exactly as you do.
Being with someone requires patience and understanding because many relationships fail due to a complete breakdown in communication.
When this happens, people tend to bottle up their emotions, which in turn fosters resentment.
Open and honest communication is the key!