Vetting Women: Relationship Advice for Men
If You Are Serious About Finding a Wife, You Need to Get Serious About Vetting
I'm pretty sure you'll agree with me when I say this:
The woman you choose to marry is one of the most important decisions you can make in your life.
The reason why is that the woman you marry can have a tremendous impact on the trajectory of your life.
In my opinion, of course, you don’t get married just for love—because love comes and goes. You get married because it sets a strong example for your children.
Studies have shown that children raised in 2 parent homes, where their biological mother and father are together, tend to do better in life.
So, let's talk about the qualities you should look for in a woman when it comes to long-term relationships.
#1 Her Genes
A very good place to start is with her genes because, when you have a child, it is a mix of you and her.
However, you need to be very realistic here, because what you’ll tend to find is that women who are considered “conventionally attractive” more often than not, tend to exercise regularly, eat well, and avoid bad habits.
They look after themselves!
So to put it another way, if you want to attract a good-looking woman, you yourself really need to be exercising, eating well, and avoiding bad habits.
There is a lot of truth to the saying,
“You attract who you are.”
Another important point regarding genes is intelligence screening. (If that is important to you)
For example, if you want a smart child, it is probably in your best interest to have a child with a woman who is smart herself.
Intelligence can be passed down.
And when I say screening for intelligence, I’m not just referring to book smarts but also street smarts, which are equally as important.
Children tend to copy their parents. So, if a parent lacks common sense, there is a high likelihood that the child will develop similar tendencies.
#2 Her Background
Right, so you’ve looked at her genes. Now, the next thing you want to consider is her background.
And I know I am repeating myself here, but what you’ll tend to find is that like attracts like.
For example, people often date and marry others from the same racial background as themselves. The same also applies to religion and social class.
The reason this happens is relatability.
When people look for a partner, they tend to seek someone who is similar to themselves.
Let’s take Jeff Bezos and his ex-wife, MacKenzie Scott, as an example. When they divorced, she became one of the richest women in the world.
But guess who she got with next?
She married a science teacher.
So, she went from being with one of the richest men in the world to being with a science teacher.
And obviously, I can’t give you the exact reason why she chose this man, since I haven’t spoken to her personally.
However, based on my research, the science teacher was teaching her children. My guess is, that her children probably liked him, hence the similarity.
So… you might be thinking, what about interracial couples?
Again there’s probably a similarity somewhere down the line. For example, they might have gone to the same school, grown up in the same area, or met at work. Which likely means their social class backgrounds are the same.
#3 Her Personality
It might sound like I’m about to contradict myself, but when it comes to personality, you don’t want a female version of yourself.
Instead, you want someone whose personality complements yours.
For example, if you have a strong and dominant personality, you probably want someone who is nurturing and submissive. If both of you are strong and dominant, you’re likely to just clash.
Another good example is a man who is extremely left-brained—meaning he’s more logical. He would probably be better off with a woman who is more right-brained and emotional.
That way, they balance each other out.
Ultimately, this comes down to self-awareness:
Knowing who you are, how you operate, and what you want out of life.
Honestly, when I was younger, I used to laugh at older people who said things like “life starts at 40.” I would think, “Well, you would say that.”
But the older I get, the more I see it to be true.
When you’re 19, 20, or 21, you often don’t have a clue who you are.
And if you don’t know who you are, quite frankly, you shouldn’t be getting married.
#4 Her Age
When it comes to marriage, generally speaking, there are 2 camps. Some people will tell you that it's better to get married early and get it out of the way, while others believe it's better to get married later, when you're a bit more mature.
I belong to the second camp—that it's better to get married later.
The first reason is that your brain doesn't fully mature until around the age of 25. In my opinion, getting married before 25 is just foolish.
The second reason relates to pregnancy. A woman's prime years for getting pregnant are between the ages of 20 and 35.
After 35, it becomes more difficult for a woman to conceive—not impossible, but generally more challenging. So, if you're considering the ideal age for a wife, I would suggest around 27 to 29 years old.
Between the ages of 27 to 29, she still has a few years left in her, before she hits 35 and second, when a woman is in her late 20’s she has some life experience under her belt.
Let’s be honest, you get with a 20 year old, she’s still a kid.
#5 Her Life Goals
I'm going to ask you a simple question:
What do you want out of life? Like, seriously—what do you want?
Do you know the answer to that question? Because if you don't, you probably shouldn't be getting married.
Sometimes, the best way to explain something is by using an example. So, let's do that.
Let's say, for example, we have a guy named Dave.
Dave is more on the artistic side. His goal is to write a few novels, make money from them, and when he's 50, move to Thailand.
He basically wants a very simple life—nothing super luxurious.
But the problem is, Dave is married to Sarah.
Sarah wants to climb the corporate ladder and earn big money because she has a high-consumption lifestyle.
She likes shopping and going on luxurious holidays.
Can you see how this could be a problem in the long run?
They both have completely different life goals. Dave wants a simple life, while Sarah wants to climb the corporate ladder and spend a ton of money.
The moral of the story:
Before a woman becomes a permanent fixture in your life, you must be crystal clear on what you want out of life.
You must have an understanding of who you are, and this comes down to self-awareness.
#6 Her Sex Drive
So, let’s get straight to the point:
Sex is super important.
And if you look at Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, sex is classified as a physiological need.
So a very good question to ask yourself is whether your sex drives align. You should have a rough idea about this around the 6-month mark of a relationship because if they don’t, it can lead to significant problems in the future.