So, the age-old question:
Is an age gap relationship automatically a problem?
The unpopular answer is:
It depends.
It’s not a simple yes or no, because the situation matters. In some circumstances, it can actually work, whereas in others, it can be a massive problem.
So context absolutely matters, and that’s what I’m going to be talking about in this article.
So, let’s get into it.
#1 The Number Matters Less Than the Life Stage
When it comes to age gap relationships, this is the very first thing you need to understand:
You need to look at the life stages of both people involved in the relationship.
Let’s say, for example purposes, you’ve got a 40-year-old dating a 20-year-old. This is more than likely going to be a problem, because both people are at different stages in life.
However, let’s say you’ve got a 55-year-old dating a 35-year-old. This could potentially work, provided the life goals are aligned, (so they want the same things out of life), they’re able to communicate effectively, the values are similar, and the sex drives are aligned.
Like I said in the intro of this article, the unpopular answer is:
#2 Bigger Gaps Carry More Statistical Risk
Look, I’ll be the first to say that you should take studies with a grain of salt, because at the end of the day, studies are averages and correlations.
They are not a prediction of every single relationship on this planet.
However, at the same time, that doesn’t mean you should completely ignore them.
And what some large studies suggest is that when there’s a bigger age gap, the relationship tends not to last.
They tend to split up.
And there could be a number of reasons why. I listed some points in the previous section of this article, but compatibility is so, so important.
Also worth mentioning is that outside influences can sometimes affect a relationship. You could call this social pressure, and this leads me perfectly into the next point.
#3 Outside Opinions Will Show Up
When two people who are roughly the same age get together, nobody really bats an eyelid. The reason is that it’s what most people are doing:
Most people who are together are at a similar age.
However, let’s say a 35-year-old got together with a 22-year-old. People outside the relationship might start gossiping.
You know yourself, when people have opinions, sometimes they can be neutral, but more often than not they’re either positive or negative, and sometimes this can sway people.
The reason I’m bringing this up is that if you’re considering getting into an age-gap relationship, you should be aware that people are probably going to talk.
It’s something you’re going to have to handle, which in some circumstances can strain a relationship.
#4 Maturity Doesn’t Always Track Age Perfectly
So let’s start this section of the article by first defining maturity.
Personally, I would define maturity as being able to emotionally self-regulate in a healthy manner.
A mature person is self-aware, takes full responsibility for their actions, and is able to resolve conflict in a healthy way.
A lot of this comes down to a person’s upbringing, their life experiences, and their temperament, or in other words, how they were wired.
The point I want to get across here is that maturity doesn’t always track perfectly with age.
For example, some people just aren’t very introspective and don’t engage in it.
On the other hand, you might have somebody who’s had caring responsibilities from an early age, so you could say they’ve had to mature quicker.
Again, life experience is massive here.
So yes, age gap relationships can work, but what’s more important is compatibility.
It’s also important not to blindly assume that someone is more mature just because they’re older than you.
Always look at the individual and who they are as a person.
#5 Big Life Goals Can Collide
I briefly touched on this in point one, but let’s talk about some things that could potentially be a problem when it comes to life goals.
The first and most obvious one is kids.
Let’s say you’ve got a 25-year-old guy, right, and he’s dating a 48-year-old woman, but at some point in the future he wants to be a dad.
This could potentially be a problem because it’s well known that as a woman gets older, it becomes more difficult for her to get pregnant.
If he wants to be a dad, he might be better off getting with a younger woman.
Another example might be retirement.
Let’s say you’ve got a 62-year-old woman who’s worked all her life and is ready to retire, but she’s with a guy who’s 42, and he’s in his peak earning years, so he wants to continue working.
This could potentially pull them in two different directions, because they’re not singing from the same hymn sheet so to speak.
They both want different things.