Take Full Responsibility for Your Life
Life Is a Single Player Game
In a previous article, I basically said that there is no self-improvement without self-awareness — the two really go hand in hand.
And a big part of self-awareness is taking full responsibility for your life:
Taking full responsibility for your mistakes and your actions.
And to be fair, there are certain things outside of your circle of influence.
For example, the country you were born into — some people can have an advantage because they were born in one country rather than another.
Another advantage that someone might have over another person is the family that they were born into.
If someone were born into a rich family, for example, that person might have better opportunities in life.
Those are just two examples, but the point stands:
You need to be mindful of what you can control versus what you can’t.
And a big part of taking full responsibility for your life is focusing on and changing the things within your control — and this is what this article is all about.
So let’s get into it.
#1 Don’t Depend on Others for Your Happiness
There’s a couple of things that I want to clear up with this, and that is:
This isn’t me saying “become an island.”
This isn’t me saying that needing people is a weakness, because obviously that isn’t true at all — human beings are social creatures, and we thrive when we’re surrounded by the right people.
But what I am saying is that it’s not wise to give people the controller or steering wheel to your inner life, because it will more than likely cause you problems.
Because you cannot control people — people have bad days, people will change, people will disappoint you, people will leave you.
The only person who can make you happy is yourself.
Metaphorically speaking What the tweet above is saying (my interpretation) is that the controller and steering wheel is in your hand — so don’t give it to anybody else.
#2 Stop Playing the Blame Game
A big, big problem with playing the blame game is that it leaves you powerless — it doesn’t empower you at all.
And this behavior is a lot more common than you think.
If you want proof of this, just go on social media and you’ll see plenty of people playing the blame game.
Examples include:
Blaming your parents, blaming the government, blaming the economy, blaming AI, blaming immigrants, blaming your genetics — the list could quite frankly go on.
But like I said, it doesn’t empower you at all, because if you’re somebody who likes to play the blame game, then that more than likely means that you aren’t looking at yourself.
And you know what, I get it — there are certain things that are outside of your control.
I totally understand that.
So you know what the sane thing to do is?
The sane thing to do, is accept the things that are outside of your control and move on.
It’s much better to focus on the things that you CAN control.
What I’m sharing with you is a really, really good coping strategy.
In Stoicism, they call this the dichotomy of control, which is basically directing your energy and attention on the things that you can influence.
And trust me when I say this:
In this mad world that we live in, this keeps you sane.
#3 Choose Your Influences and Inputs Consciously
There’s a quote attributed to Bruce Lee, and it goes something along the lines of:
“Absorb what is useful, discard what is not, and add specifically what is your own.”
And you know what?
I couldn’t have said it better myself, because in this world that we live in, we are constantly being influenced and molded.
For example, this article that you’re reading right now is a form of influence.
The ads that you see on billboards are a form of influence.
The ads that you see on the television are a form of influence.
It’s everywhere.
So probably more than ever before, is it important to think critically and think for yourself.
So what does this mean?
It means looking at both sides.
It means looking at the pros, looking at the cons, looking at the positives, looking at the negatives.
It’s balanced thinking.
And if you’re interested in learning more about balanced thinking, I’ve done an article explaining this in more detail.
#4 Accept Negative Emotions
So what this is about is emotional acceptance, and what that basically means is you allow yourself to feel whatever emotion shows up.
So you're not pushing it away, you're not fighting it, and you're not judging yourself for having that emotion.
And you know what, I get it — this is a lot easier said than done.
But anyway, the analogy that I like to use is that your emotions are kind of like the weather inside of you.
And you know yourself that you can't change the weather, so you adapt.
For example, if it's raining, you get the raincoat on, or you're grabbing the umbrella before you go outside.
If it's sunny outside, the shorts are coming on.
If it's snowing outside, the winter jacket's coming on.
You don't change the weather because you can't change the weather — so you adapt.
Your emotions work very much the same way, your emotions are automatic, just like the weather.
So you allow yourself to feel your emotions.
The keyword here is adaptability.
#5 Practice Self-Compassion
The thing about taking full responsibility for your life is that it’s all on you — I can’t do it for you.
Yes, I’ve written this article, providing you with the information that hopefully benefits you, but ultimately it’s all on you.
And to some people, that can be burdensome, and you know what, I get it, because taking full responsibility for your life is not easy.
And this is where self-compassion comes in.
You are going to make mistakes.
You are going to mess up, and this is fine.
Nobody has given you a manual on how to live your life. We’re all essentially just learning and winging it as we go, myself included.
I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life, and you probably have as well.
So it’s important to treat yourself like you would treat a best friend — with love, compassion, and acceptance.
And the beauty of treating yourself this way is that it allows you to make mistakes, learn from your mistakes, forgive yourself, and move on.
And that’s a key part of taking full responsibility for your life.