Since this is a self-improvement website, I'd be doing you a massive disservice if I didn't talk about breakups, because the truth is, they will happen to practically everybody at some point in their lives.
And I would argue that breakups tend to be worse for men than for women
The reason why I say this…
Is because women are often encouraged to talk about relationship issues with friends and acquaintances, whereas the average guy isn't doing this.
Not to mention, if a woman has broken up with you, she probably checked out the relationship months ago without you even noticing.
So when she does break up with you, it hits you like a ton of bricks.
To make matters worse because she checked out the relationship months ago, when she does finally drop the bad news, she seems completely unaffected which kind of hurts even more.
Well the good news is that there are solutions, but before I discuss those, let’s first talk about the reality of breakups and why they hurt so much.
The Reality of Break-Up’s
The reality is that it’s like you’re coming off drugs, and to make matters worse, you ain’t tapering off it, you’re going cold turkey.
So all these emotions and things of that nature are just going to start coming up.
You see, when you’re with somebody, your brain and your body releases chemicals. We’re talking dopamine, cortisol, oxytocin just to name a few.
And let’s just say the sex was regular:
That’s a high in itself.
Not to mention, when you’re with somebody, you sort of just get used to them being around. You get used to the conversations and you’ve also created memories with this person, so it’s understandable that you would miss them.
So I really do empathize with anybody who is going through a breakup, because it is tough.
It is a rough ride.
But there are solutions…
#1 Accept the Break up for What It Is, and Allow Yourself to Let Go
This is where it starts. It starts in your mind.
You’ve got to acknowledge the breakup.
You’ve got to accept it for what it is and give yourself permission to let go.
There is absolutely no point dwelling on it, and even worse, there is no point trying to win her back, because, like I said earlier in the article, if a woman has broken up with you, she probably already checked out of the relationship months ago.
In other words, when she did break up with you, her mind was already made up.
A very, very good way to look at it, right, is that you are at the bottom of a mountain, and for you to get to the top, you have to slowly take steps forward.
There is no point going backwards, because if you go backwards, you are not climbing the mountain.
So what does this mean?
It means giving her back her belongings so there’s nothing in your home that reminds you of her. If you’ve got photographs together, get rid of them.
In fact, burn them and watch those photos turn into ashes.
If she’s on your social media (Instagram, Facebook, whatever), untag all the photos of you and her together.
To be frank, it would probably be a good idea to just delete her and block her completely, because that way the algorithm can’t show you her profile when you’re on the platform.
What you are doing here is creating distance, and when you create distance, you allow yourself to let go.
This is a huge, huge part of dealing with the breakup.
#2 Get Yourself a Gym Membership
So because she’s broken up with you, you’re now back on the dating market.
Congratulations you’re a free man.
So now you’ve got a bit more time on your hands because you’re no longer seeing her, so you might as well get yourself a gym membership.
Start working out, start taking care of yourself, and more importantly, start feeling good about yourself.
If you remember, early on in the article I basically said that when you break up with somebody, it’s like you’re coming off drugs.
Well, exercise itself is kind of like a drug.
You see when you get your body moving and sweating, you release endorphins. It’s kind of like a high.
Not to mention, on average (and I do want to emphasize the words “on average”), women tend to prefer men with athletic bodies, so you’re kind of killing two birds with one stone here.
Because, one, you’re looking after yourself (physical exercise can help with low mood, etc.), and two, because you’re now back on the dating market, if you get yourself physically fit and in shape, you potentially start becoming more physically attractive to single women.
This is what you want to be doing. Get yourself a gym membership and use it.
#3 Spend Time With Friends and Occupy Yourself With Work
Seriously, one of the worst things you can do is isolate yourself and become a recluse.
It will more than likely not do you any good at all.
A very, very good way to look at it, right, is that you’re now single and you now have a lot more time on your hands.
This is a benefit.
And if you’re somebody in your early to mid-20s, my guess is that you’ve got friends/acquaintances who aren’t all in relationships. You’ve got friends/acquaintances who are single themselves.
So enjoy yourself:
Go out, party, travel if you can. Travelling is a great healer, not to mention, you will probably create a ton of new memories.
To be fair, even work helps.
When you’re at work you’re occupied, while at the same time, surrounded by other people.
The key here is to be social.
You want to get around other people, and this leads me on to the final point.
#4 Jump Back Into the Dating Game When You Feel Ready
Healthcare professionals are probably going to scoff when I say this, but I’ll say it anyway:
One of the best ways to get over a girl is to get with another girl.
Let me repeat that:
One of the best ways to get over a girl is to get with another girl.
You see, when you’re with another girl, you’re probably not thinking about your ex.
In fact, it will probably do you the world of good.
And this isn’t me saying to get into a full-blown relationship with this new girl. Not at all.
That probably wouldn’t be wise.
You want time to do its thing, and you want to heal and be ready before you move into another long-term relationship.
What I am saying though:
And the thing is, right, this might actually turn out to be a blessing in disguise because further down the line you might meet another woman, and she’s actually better than your ex.
She’s an upgrade.