Modern Dating: Is Your Mindset Holding You Back?
Your Mindset Absolutely Matters
Your inner game—your psychology, your mindset, whatever you want to call it—is absolutely essential.
In this article, I said something along the lines of:
“The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself”
The reason for this is simple:
Your relationship with yourself impacts all your other relationships.
For example, if you want a woman to respect and love you, you first have to respect and love yourself.
That’s just how it works!
The way I see it, you don’t want to be attractive to every single woman—you want to be attractive to the right women, and that starts with you.
So, in this article, I’m going to share 3 mindsets that will help you with women, and as a nice little side effect, these mindsets will also benefit you in other areas of your life.
Mindset 1: The Impermanence Mindset
For those who don't know, the impermanence mindset is an approach to life that stems from Buddhism.
In a nutshell, Impermanence is about accepting that everything in life is temporary.
For example, consider human life:
We come into this world, we grow, we age, and then we die.
Every living organism on this planet follows this cycle—plants do this, animals do this.
We all come, and then we all go.
This is simply the way of life.
Another good example of impermanence is the changing of the seasons throughout the year.
You know yourself, the weather is constantly changing; nothing is permanent.
So you might be wondering…
What the hell does this have to do with relationships?
Well it actually, has a lot!
You see, once you come to terms with and accept the fact that everything is temporary, you let go of the idea of "finding the one."
Because the truth is, "the one" doesn't exist.
In my own life, I've found that you often meet different women at different times, who are right for you at that particular moment.
For example, my girlfriend when I was 18 was right for me at that time. However, I'm pretty sure that if we met now, we probably wouldn't be compatible.
For example:
Sometimes, you'll meet a woman and she is only in your life for one night.
You might meet another woman and she’s only in your life for a couple of months, meet another woman and she is in your life for a few years.
And occasionally, you might meet someone who remains in your life for decades.
Accepting that relationships are temporary is a very healthy way to view them…
Why?
Because it’s based on reality.
You come into this world alone and you die alone.
Mindset 2: The Abundance Mindset
For those who don’t know, the abundance mindset in dating is the belief that there are plenty of women available, and plenty of women who want you.
And this is actually true—when you think about it, let’s just look at the numbers.
According to statistics, there are approximately 4 billion women on this planet.
Let me repeat that:
4 billion women.
So, due to the number of women on this planet, it just makes sense to have a “take it or leave it” attitude.
And what this basically means is that you present your authentic self—you just be who you are. If she likes it, fantastic. If she doesn’t, you’ll simply find somebody else, because there are millions—actually, billions—of women.
Let’s get nerdy for a second and run some more numbers.
Let’s say, out of those 4 billion women, only 1% like the genuine version of you.
One percent of 4 billion is 40 million people.
That’s 40 million women who like you for who you actually are.
To put that number into perspective, that’s the estimated population of the country Poland.
Just let that sink in—even at just a measly 1%, you have a whole country’s worth of women who like you for who you are.
Mindset 3: The Surrender Control Mindset
The "surrender control" mindset is very easy to explain, but depending on your psychology and upbringing, it can be very difficult to practice.
Hint: Meditation
Essentially, the surrender control mindset is about letting go of the need to control.
It’s about accepting that, at the end of the day, you cannot entirely—emphasis on entirely—control another person.
Yes, you can play mind games, use scare tactics, or prey on people’s fears. And to be fair, in the short term, these tactics can actually work.
However, for long-term and healthy relationships, I would completely avoid doing any of these things.
All they lead to is a dynamic where, essentially, “king and queen” are at each other’s throats—just fighting all the time.
So, avoid things like flirting with other women to make her jealous, playing on her fears, withdrawing attention, and so on.
So You might be thinking to yourself, “Well, what if the girl is doing these things to me?”
I’d encourage you to ask yourself this simple question:
Is this woman worth your time, energy, and attention?
Seriously, ask yourself that, because there are plenty of good-looking women who are psychologically healthy and do not play games like this.