Ignore the Maxim: Happy Wife, Happy Life
It’s a Terrible Philosophy
At some point in your life, you've probably come across the maxim:
"Happy wife, happy life."
And, to be fair, on the surface it seems like reasonable advice — because who doesn't want their wife to be happy?
It's the woman you've chosen to marry, so it kind of makes sense.
But here's the thing:
It's actually terrible marriage advice, because when it's followed, it often leads to both of you being unhappy.
That's the irony.
So let's talk about this in more detail.
#1 It Creates Passive Men and Ungrateful Women
So let’s start this section of the article by going over a few things that tend to happen when a guy adopts this “happy wife, happy life” mindset.
No. 1 is that he starts letting things slide because he thinks it’s his duty to keep her happy.
No. 2 is he essentially becomes a yes-man in order to avoid conflict.
And No. 3 is he ends up prioritizing her emotions over his own.
In other words, he doesn’t have a backbone.
He doesn’t challenge her when she’s in the wrong. He tolerates disrespect because he has no boundaries, and he says yes when deep down he really wants to say no.
He’s basically a doormat.
And the irony of all this is that he thinks he’s doing the right thing, but the side effect of this behavior is that it often leads to a woman not respecting him.
I’d actually argue that in a long-term relationship, it’s much, much better for a woman to respect you than it is for her to love you.
And in a long-term relationship, your happiness matters just as much as hers.
And this leads me perfectly into the next point.
#2 It Basically Implies That Your Happiness Doesn’t Matter
If you break down this maxim, what it’s implying is that your happiness doesn’t matter.
In the intro of this article, I did say that there’s nothing wrong with wanting her to be happy, because at the end of the day, she’s the woman you’ve chosen to marry.
But that doesn’t mean you need to sacrifice your own happiness in order for that to happen.
And this maxim is far from mutual.
It’s basically a mindset that turns a marriage into a customer service job.
#3 You Ain’t Responsible for Her Happiness (She Is)
So, while we’re on the topic of maxims I'm going to share with you, one that I actually like.
And that is:
“If you try to please everybody, you end up pleasing nobody”.
Happiness is ultimately an inside job — the only person who can make you happy is yourself, and vice versa for her:
The only person who can make her happy is herself.
And this isn't me saying become an asshole and don't compromise and don't meet in the middle, because in a relationship you will have to do all of those things.
It's just me saying don't become a people pleaser and get yourself into a lopsided relationship.
If she's pissing you off, you just need to be open and honest and just tell her, and vice versa for her — she should be telling you when you're pissing her off.
In fact, you should encourage it.
And this leads me perfectly on to the next point.
#4 It Just Kills Communication
One of the problems with the “happy wife, happy life” mindset is that the entire model — if that’s what you want to call it — is based on avoiding conflict and not resolving it, and this often leads to resentment.
It leads to resentment on both sides, and once resentment fully kicks in, communication tends to go downhill.
You stop talking to each other, and trust issues can start creeping into the relationship.
In previous articles, I’ve basically said that the glue that holds people together is good communication — open and honest communication — and sex.
If those things are absent in a relationship, don’t be surprised if either person starts looking outside to get those needs met.
And the thing is, a lot of guys seem to think that women only cheat because they’re not getting their emotional needs met, but that’s not always the case.
Some women will cheat because they’re not getting their sexual needs met.
There are a lot of women out there who are sexually liberated and love sex, and the perfect example of this kind of woman is Samantha from the television series Sex and the City.
#5 A Better Maxim Is Happy Spouse, Happy House
In my opinion, of course, this is a much, much better maxim because it's not implying that it's all about her.
It's about both of you — your needs matter just as much as hers.
In a mutual relationship, you both need to be bringing value to the relationship, you both need to be working together to make it work.
At the end of the day, this is the way I look at it:
You should be improving her life, but at the same time she should also be improving yours as well.
In other words you both benefit by being together.