Crabs in a Bucket: Your Self Improvement Will Piss People Off
Losing Friends Is Part of the Journey
So, what I’m going to do for you in this article is share the dark side of self-improvement.
Because what you’ll often find is that as you grow and evolve, you will more than likely lose friends.
In a perfect world, the people around you would root for you and want you to succeed.
But we both know, the world that we live in is far from perfect and sometimes, it’s the people closest to you who can hurt you the most.
This is where the “crab mentality” or “crabs in a bucket” mentality comes into play.
What Is the Crabs in a Bucket Mentality?
The "crabs in a bucket" mentality is actually quite easy to explain.
When you put a single crab in a bucket, it will try to escape because it doesn’t want to be confined; it wants to return to its natural habitat.
However, things get really interesting when you add multiple crabs to that bucket because If one crab tries to escape, the rest will work together to pull it back down.
To add further insult to injury, if that crab tries to escape again, the other crabs gang up on it and even remove its claws, effectively hindering its progress.
Rather than cooperating, these crabs work against each other, so none of them actually escape.
This behavior is quite common amongst people with low self-esteem. I want to emphasize the phrase low self-esteem.
So while these people probably won’t physically attack you, they’ll often try to break you down in other ways.
So, let’s discuss how people might do this, so that way you’re aware of the behavior.
#1 Discourage You From Working Towards a Goal
I'm pretty sure you'll agree with me when I say this:
And that is, we often turn to our friends and loved ones for advice, especially when starting something new.
However, if you approach someone with low self-esteem or someone who has a "crabs in a bucket" mentality, they might dissuade you from pursuing that goal. They might tell you that your goal is impossible.
So yeah, while that person has not physically attacked you like a crab, what they have done is plant a seed of doubt in your mind.
For some people, that seed of doubt can be enough to stop them from pursuing their goal.
And before I move on to the next point, I want to make this super clear:
I’m not saying that every single person who plants this seed of doubt does so intentionally or out of spite.
Often, this can be subconscious.
For example, if someone doesn’t believe “they” themselves can achieve something, what you’ll often find is that they will tell you the exact same thing.
#2 Peer Pressure Tactics
What you often see with people who have a crab bucket mentality is that they use peer pressure to drag down their peers.
This kind of behavior is very common in high school environments.
Peer pressure can be a very effective way to get people to conform because, at the end of the day, nobody wants to be ostracized.
For example, imagine you hang around with a group of people who like to party and do drugs.
If you suddenly decide that this lifestyle is not for you, your so-called friends…
(And I use the word "friends" very loosely) might pressure you to do drugs and drink.
Just like crabs in a bucket, they are pulling you down, trying to bring you to their level.
Your real friends, your true friends, will always want what’s best for you.
So, if you want to move your life in a more positive direction, your genuine friends will accept and support that decision.
Those with the crab bucket mentality—those who use peer pressure to pull you down—are not the kind of people you want to be hanging around with.
#3 Downplaying Your Achievements
So, if you achieve something in life, how do those in your inner circle respond? Do they:
Lift you up, or
Pull you down?
For example, imagine you had trials at a local football club. You’ve made countless sacrifices and worked incredibly hard to reach the level you're at.
Now let’s say the club selects you and only 2 other people. Later on, you share the good news with one of your so called close friends.
Instead of congratulating you or acknowledging your effort, he says,
“Oh, you got lucky there, mate”
Even though he knows exactly how hard you’ve worked and the sacrifices you’ve made.
Rather than saying, “Fair play, mate—you’ve worked hard and you deserve this,” he dismisses your achievement with, “You got lucky.”
That is a betrayal waiting to happen.
#4 Somebody Trying to Sabotage You
This is actually very nasty, and generally, there are 2 common ways people undermine others.
The first way:
Involves someone actively sabotaging you.
For example, in the workplace, this could be a boss who sets you up to fail by assigning unrealistic deadlines or tasks without providing adequate support.
The second way is through spreading rumors about you.
Again, using the workplace as an example, imagine a scenario where a female colleague takes a liking to you.
When she’s around you, she’s very animated, friendly, and smiley.
Well guess what?
Other guys pick up on this, and it sparks jealousy among some of your male coworkers.
In response, they whisper negative things to her, trying to bring you down—much like crabs in a bucket.
Their mindset is:
“If I can’t have her, neither can you.”
Before I wrap this article up, there something important to mention:
If you ever encounter people who constantly gossip about others, there’s a very high likelihood that they’re also gossiping about you behind your back.
This is just something to be aware of.