5 Dark Truths About Male Friendships
Men Are by Nature Very Competitive
If you actually talk to a lot of people, they’ll tell you that female relationships are way more complex—and also, in many ways, more shallow.
But I’d argue that male friendships aren’t exactly perfect either.
At the end of the day, regardless of gender, you’re dealing with human beings who have emotions, insecurities, and sometimes childhood trauma.
The main difference between male and female friendships ultimately comes down to how we bond.
Males tend to bond through shared activities and roasting each other. Females, on the other hand, usually bond through deep conversation and emotional disclosure.
And what I’ve personally found in my own life is that you don’t truly know someone—man or woman until they’ve been tested.
By understanding male friendships for what they really are—flaws and all—you’ll be able to navigate them much, much better.
#1 Most Male Friendships Are Transactional at Their Core
The truth is, a lot of guys don’t really have true friends — what they have are allies and compared to female friendships, male friendships tend to dissolve much faster when circumstances change.
For example, let’s say you consider a guy a solid friend. Then he gets married. Don’t be surprised if you suddenly start seeing him way less.
Another example:
A guy’s financial situation completely changes. Maybe he becomes rich, or maybe he loses everything and becomes poor. Either way, the dynamic shifts, and sometimes that causes the friendship to fade or even create problems.
The dark truth about male friendships is that many of them are maintained primarily for utility. You kind of have to bring something to the table to stay in the group.
So this might be the guy who can make everyone laugh.
Or the one in high school, who just passed his driving test and can now drive his friends around.
A lot of male friendships survive for these kinds of practical reasons.
And all I can say is this:
Healthy relationships — friendships or romantic ones — are mutual.
Don’t be the guy who gives everything and gets nothing back in return. Make sure your own needs are being met too. And yes, this absolutely applies to romantic relationships with women as well.
#2 Jealousy and One-Upmanship Can Sometimes Lurk Beneath the Surface
Human beings are incredibly competitive. If you want proof, just study history and look at how many wars have been started.
If you’re someone who’s played sports all your life, you already know this.
What you’ll tend to find is that we all quietly compete with one another—whether we like to admit it or not.
And what we tend to compete over is how much money we make, access to women, and physical fitness.
You could say these three things are markers of status.
And again whether we like to admit it or not, human beings are hardwired to detect status.
So, for example, if in one of those three areas I just mentioned you outdo one of your friends, don’t be surprised if envy and jealousy show up at the door.
And what you’ll tend to find with people is that they genuinely want the best for you—I’m not that cynical, and I do believe that—but here’s what they don’t want:
They don’t want you to overtake them.
It goes back to male competition.
We are competitive by nature, and when someone outdoes another person, it can sometimes cause problems especially if said person hasn’t done the deep personal development work and become truly comfortable in their own skin.
#3 Emotional Intimacy Is Rare and Often Punished
From a very early age, boys are essentially conditioned to suppress their emotions. In many social circles, showing vulnerability is seen as weakness, and expressing it might not go down well.
So, most boys learn this lesson very early on — and they just don’t do it.
Then what often happens is that this behaviour carries over into adulthood. You can have two guys who’ve been friends for 15, 20, even 25 years — so we’re talking a long time but they don’t actually know much about each other on a deeper level, because they never talk about anything personal.
Like I said at the start of the article, when boys bond, it’s usually activity-based — playing sports, gaming, roasting each other, etc.
It’s rarely about opening up emotionally.
Research has actually been done on this — I believe it was by the American Psychological Association — and what they found is that men who only have male friends tend to feel lonelier than men who have female friends or mixed-friendship groups.
In the future, I’m planning to do a whole article on the benefits of the “female friend zone.”
Because if there is genuinely no sexual interest — meaning you don’t want to sleep with her, she doesn’t want to sleep with you, and you’re both genuinely happy with that — that’s the key:
Both of you are happy — then there is absolutely nothing wrong with being friends with a woman.
#4 “Ride or Die” Loyalty Is Mostly a Myth
While ‘ride or die’ might sound good in rap songs or look cool on social media, the truth is that in real life, it rarely happens.
Most people’s loyalty has limits.
And true loyalty usually reveals itself in two extreme situations:
When you lose everything — when you’re broke, depressed, divorced, or hit rock bottom in any way.
When you become highly successful — making a lot of money, getting in great shape, achieving a big goal, etc.
It’s at both ends of the spectrum that you really see who your true friends are.
When you’re at rock bottom, most people disappear.
Why?
Because supporting someone who’s drowning can be emotionally draining, and many don’t want to risk being pulled under themselves.
Self-preservation kicks in.
On the opposite end, when you achieve a high level of success, some of the same people can become envious or jealous.
The point I’m trying to make is this:
Whether you hit rock bottom or reach the top, the dynamics of your relationships almost always change.
Friendships that once felt solid, can then start to feel transactional.
#5 Jealousy Over Women Destroys More Male Friendships Than People Like to Admit
I don’t think I’ve ever said this in any of my other articles, but I’m going to say it now:
Sometimes dating a highly attractive woman can actually be problematic.
And the reason why is male sexual competition.
Let me give you an example.
Imagine a guy who, throughout school, was kind of the ugly duckling.
He didn’t get much attention from girls, he blended into the background, wasn’t very confident, that sort of thing.
Then, as an adult, he starts hitting the gym, transforms his physique, gets in great shape — and with that comes a big boost in confidence.
Suddenly, women start noticing him. He’s getting way more attention than ever before.
Don’t be surprised if the guys in that social circle notice this too — and some of them start getting envious or jealous.
A lot of people don’t admit this, but among male friends, there’s an unspoken hierarchy.
Nobody really talks about it openly, but everyone kind of knows where they stand.
Well when someone who used to be lower in that hierarchy suddenly moves up — especially because he’s now pulling much hotter women — it can sometimes cause problems within the group.