Go on the internet, and nobody talks about social class.
In fact, go into the real world, and it’s the same story—nobody discusses it.
And personally I think a big reason for this, is that it’s an uncomfortable topic to bring up.
I’d put it in the same category as politics and religion; you just don’t talk about it because it can lead to judgment and discomfort.
However, since this website offers dating advice, I’m going to openly discuss it.
Why?
Because social class impacts relationships far more than most people realize.
#1 Shared Values and Lifestyles:
So just for a bit of context for those outside the UK, I come from a northern town in England that is predominantly working-class.
And in terms of relationships, the women I’ve mostly been with are working-class women.
And to be fair I’ve actually been around, middle class women due to work and what not and what I’ve personally found is that on a romantic level nothing ever really developed with middle class women.
A big reason for this is values—we simply value different things.
You see your class shapes you: it shapes your habits, your priorities, and, as I’ve mentioned, your values.
So, when two people come from different class backgrounds, it can sometimes be difficult to connect.
And let’s be honest: on a romantic level, especially for long-term relationships, connection is essential.
Even from a financial perspective, people from the same socioeconomic background tend to value the same leisure activities, purchase similar items, and share comparable career aspirations.
You could say “like attracts like,” and people naturally gravitate toward those who are similar to themselves.
Human nature!
#2 Access to Social Circles
Something that I learned early on in life is that it’s not what you know; it’s who you know. And social class can impact the sort of people you get access to.
For example, in Britain, a lot of upper-middle-class families send their kids to private school.
And yes, while the education in private school is probably better than the education in public/state school, it’s not the only reason why they’re sending their kids to a private school.
A big reason they’re sending their kids to private school is because they know that their kids are going to be around other rich kids.
You could say it’s a form of networking.
So you might be thinking to yourself, well, what the hell has this got to do with dating?
It’s got a lot to do with dating.
Because if you’ve got a kid who’s gone to private school, the girls in that environment when he was a teenager are all going to be rich girls.
It’s the same with a working-class boy who’s gone to school in a working-class neighbourhood: the girls in that environment are going to be working class.
So just by being in a particular school, it impacts your dating choices, and your childhood experiences shape you as an adult.
#3 Economic Compatibility
You probably already know this, but it’s worth mentioning anyway:
From a quick fling or one-night-stand perspective, money doesn’t matter—it’s all about lust.
However, from a long-term relationship or child-raising perspective, it makes sense that you’re both on the same page money-wise.
And as I discussed earlier in the article, people from different social class backgrounds tend to view money differently, and a big reason for this is their upbringing and education.
So, what you really want to do when you get into a long-term relationship—obviously not at the start, but further down the line—is have conversations about money.
You want to examine her spending habits and ensure you’re aligned, because if your spending habits differ from hers, there will be potential problems down the line.
Let’s say for example you’re somebody who’s got his head screwed on—you like saving money, investing, doing all that good stuff—yet she’s happy to go to a department store and blow thousands on shoes, it’s probably not going to work.
And look, it’s not about changing the other person; it’s about accepting them for who they are and this leads me perfectly on to the next point.
#4 Cultural and Educational Gaps
I know this from being around people from different social classes, and the conversations are different.
For example, the conversation you have with a girl from, let’s say, a council estate which is the equivalent of the projects in the US—is going to be completely different from the conversations you have with an upper-middle-class woman.
So, relatability plays a role, and this is where education comes in.
Because what you’ll tend to find is that people from middle-class backgrounds tend to be formally educated: they’ve gone to college, they’ve gone to university, they’ve done all that stuff.
It’s not very often you meet a woman from a council estate in the UK that’s degreed up to her eyeballs.
I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, because it does happen, but it’s not common.
Another potential problem is cultural gaps.
Let’s say, for example, you’ve got a guy from an upper-middle-class background. And because of the family he was born into because his family has money—he’s been able to travel the world from a very, very early age.
He’s gone to different places.
Yet he meets a girl, and she’s from a poor background, and she’s never left the country.
Do you see where problems could arise?
They’re basically looking at the world completely different, their worldviews are not the same.
And look… this isn’t to say that one is better than the other, it’s to say that there’s a difference.
#5 Societal and Family Expectations
Here’s the thing about marriage that not a lot of people talk about:
When you marry a woman, you’re marrying her family too.
Her friends come along with the package, because during gatherings and events of that nature, these people are going to be there.
Let’s just assume for a minute that she’s close to these people. That means they’re going to influence her, whether you like it or not, and this is where class differences could potentially cause problems.
Because family might not be thrilled that their son (an upper-class guy) is dating a working-class woman, or vice versa—a working-class woman’s friends and family might not be pleased that she’s dating an upper-class guy.
And as you know yourself, family politics can often sway people’s decisions.