Masculinity: 3 Reasons Why Positive Male Role Models Matter
Higher Homelessness, Runaway Risk for Kids from Single-Parent Homes
A 2013 study by the Prison Reform Trust found that 76% of young men in prison in England and Wales come from homes with absent fathers.
This isn't just an issue in England; the statistics are strikingly similar in the United States.
However, before I continue with this article, I want to be absolutely clear:
I'm not saying that every young boy who grows up in a fatherless home will end up in prison.
That is obviously not the case.
The reason I'm highlighting this statistic is to point out the apparent correlation between fatherless homes and higher incarceration rates.
Definition of a Fatherless Home
Just so we're on the same page, let’s define a "fatherless home."
Because some people assume a fatherless home is one where the dad is completely absent, but that’s not always the case.
For example, a home might have a father who is physically present but emotionally unavailable, and this could stem from a number of reasons.
For instance, dad might be withdrawn due to his personality—it's just how he's wired.
Another example is a father who works super long hours, so when he’s home, he’s disengaged.
Or you might have a father struggling with addiction, which prevents him from being fully present.
The point is:
An unpredictable or unreliable dad can leave a child feeling emotionally abandoned, which of course can be problematic for a child growing up.
Now that we’ve clarified the definition of a fatherless home, let’s dive deeper and explore why male role models matter.
Reason 1: Good Role Models Set Positive Examples
Just ask yourself this question:
How can a boy know what it means to be a man, if he doesn't have any positive examples of what one actually is?
This is why positive male role models are vital to a child's development and in an ideal world every young boy, would have access to this kind of man in the home, but let's be honest the world is far from ideal.
So if you are somebody reading this and you struggle (for what ever reason) to find positive male role models in your living environment, you can find them in books.
Study the lives of great men like:
Mahatma Gandhi
Nelson Mandela
Abraham Lincoln
Bruce Lee
Tim Berners-Lee (the inventor of the World Wide Web)
Cristiano Ronaldo
Elon Musk
These men are positive role models from whom you can learn valuable lessons.
They demonstrate qualities like integrity, perseverance, hard work, and a commitment to making a positive impact on the world.
These are the hallmarks of healthy masculinity.
It's crucial to emphasize that while positive male role models teach valuable lessons, anti-role models can sometimes be just as instructive, if not more so.
A positive male role model is someone whose behavior you want to emulate—someone you admire.
An anti-role model, on the other hand, demonstrates behavior you should avoid. These figures are equally vital for a child's development as they highlight what NOT to do.
So let’s explore anti-role models in more detail.
First, consider people who cheat or break the law. This could be an athlete using performance-enhancing drugs, a politician embroiled in corruption scandals, or a business leader engaging in fraud.
These people are anti-role models because they show a complete disregard for rules and ethics.
Second, bullies are another example of anti-role models. Bullies often lack self-esteem and target those who seem unlikely to fight back.
Third, individuals who promote unhealthy lifestyles are also anti-role models. These could be people who glamorize drug use, excessive drinking, or other destructive behaviors.
Their actions are like a big red flags showing what NOT to do.
Fourth, disrespectful individuals are anti-role models. These are people who are rude, arrogant, or dismissive, you can seriously tell a lot about a person, by how they treat people in retail and customer service.
Finally, people who give up easily are anti-role models.
To achieve anything in life, you need hard work, smart strategies, and dedication. Those who quit too quickly lack these qualities and serve as a reminder of WHAT not to do.
Reason 2: Children Thrive When There Is a Balance of Nurturing and Challenge
From my own personal observations, mothers tend—the keyword here is "tend"—to be softer, more emotional, nurturing, and caring.
These are fantastic qualities that a child needs.
Fathers, on the other hand, tend—again, the keyword is "tend"—to encourage physical play and risk-taking behavior.
For a child to truly thrive, they need an environment where they feel secure and safe but also an environment where they are encouraged to explore, experiment, and push their boundaries.
When boys master challenges, their confidence grows.
Activities like climbing, building forts, physical exercise, playing sports, or even roughhousing help boys develop motor skills like coordination, agility, and balance.
Let’s be honest:
Playing PlayStation or Xbox doesn’t compete.
When you push boys to their limits, they will fail—this is normal. However here’s where a positive male role model comes in…
A positive male role model can teach a boy how to handle disappointments, discuss strategies for moving forward, analyze what went wrong, and encourage him to try again with a different approach.
This builds resilience because it teaches boys the importance of perseverance.
The bottom line is this:
When raising boys, it is in their best interest to encourage physical play and calculated risk-taking behavior.
When you do this, you create a training ground for life.
Overprotecting a child—wrapping them in bubble wrap and shielding them from everything—will harm their development.
Reason 3: Guidance and Mentorship
I'm a firm believer that certain lessons are best taught by a man to a boy, and others by a woman to a girl.
For example, let’s flip the script and consider a single father raising a 13-year-old daughter who’s going through puberty.
Her body is changing, and she approaches dad for guidance on dealing with periods.
Honestly, how can dad guide her in this situation?
He can’t, because he has’nt experienced it himself—he’s not a woman.
In this case, the girl would be better off seeking advice from another woman who has lived through those changes.
The same principle applies to men guiding boys.
There are certain things only a man can teach a boy, because he was once a teenage boy himself.
When boys hit puberty, their testosterone levels rise, their energy surges, and they often feel a need to compete.
Is it any wonder then, why some boys—not all, but some—might act recklessly or do impulsive things?
The key to supporting boys with high testosterone is to provide healthy outlets for their energy.
The number 1 thing you can do is encourage physical activity, such as playing sports, weightlifting, or practicing martial arts—anything that lets them burn off steam in a safe, constructive way.
Drugs and alcohol is not the answer.
It’s also crucial to set clear boundaries and expectations while remaining open to negotiation.
I can’t stress this enough:
Children learn more from your example than your words.
For exmplae:
If you want your child to take up weightlifting, you yourself need to be lifting weights.
If you want your child to eat their vegetables at the dinner table, you’d better be eating yours too.
The truth is, to lead others effectively, you must first START by leading yourself.